1. One of the guests (a.k.a. humans) is a total self-entitled dick to one of the hosts (a.k.a. androids). Rape, murder -- it's all good here in Westworld. It's like Jurassic Park if you cheated one of the raptors
at cards and then scalped him.
2. Something terrible happens to poor, beautiful James Marsden
. I would say spoiler alert but they pretty much start fucking him over minute one. Hang in there, Teddy. Fingers crossed you somehow get inside the corporate headquarters with a Gatling gun
and just turn all those suits into strawberry jelly.
3. You recognize a pop song on the player piano
(a.k.a. pianola!). There are two types of people in this world, those who think an orgy with an orchestral version of "Something I Can Never Have
" in the background is cool, and, well....
4. One of the hosts is totally, bafflingly, nude
while getting worked on by an engineer or grilled by one of those corporate types. I mean, I GUESS I understand why they have to be nude. But really, even when you're just having a chat? They have to be wang-out
?? OK, it's your dime, Anthony Hopkins
5. A guest and host hook up (double drink if it's outside of Westworld!). Not sure if someone is a robot?? Well if you can't tell, does it matter? Wait, yes -- yes it does. Just ask (SPOILER) Theresa
6. One of the hosts is like the grill of my car -- super buggy
. OK, so there are a couple of glitches. Maybe a host jelly-heads
himself or starts creepily quoting Shakespeare
. Let's face it -- this is what you get when you try to dick your engineers out of shares and use tabs instead of spaces. You brought this on yourself, Ford.
7. Someone says "Arnold." Sure, it's not as satisfying as saying "Paul Allen
," but it'll do.