10. The Creeper.
The only man on our list with a day job - driving rig - he'll pay for your dinner if you give him your heart. Or, you know, your skin for his wall tapestry. He's an artist too! #doublethreat
OK, so he's not much to look at, but he can make your dreams come true! As long as your dreams include dying in an ironic (well, ironic if you're Alanis) way.
8. The Thing.
It could be anything (including swoon-worthy Keith David), but insists on being like a dog or a dude with a mouth for a chest.
Tall, dark AND handsome? This guy is sweet as honey and you'll BEE hooked on the first date! Just call his name (3 times) and he'll be there.
BDSM got too mainstream for your tastes since 50 Shades of Grey? No worries, Pinhead will tear off your skin for you.
3. Patrick Bateman.
Sure, he's a psycho. But you've finally met someone who loves Huey Lewis and the News as much as you do!
2. Evil Ash.
This is like that time I broke up with my boyfriend for his hot brother, but then I found out he was a murderer. :(
Brains AND brawn! Plus he's Jewish! It's like your mother created him in a lab.