- Kate Beckinsale shows up in some ridiculous outfit or horrible hairstyle. This rule may be subjective, but our hope is that our readers will agree with us and drink every time she's on screen.
- Bridget the Midget, everyone's favorite tiny hardcore porn star, is on screen.
- Someone uses the term "little."
- Anything blatantly offensive is said or done in the movie. It happens all the time. Like when Kate goes to Matt’s parents’ house (who are little people) and says she wants to abort the baby because it's a dwarf. Or the fact that they get Gary Oldman, a man that doesn't have dwarfism, to play someone who has it instead of using any one of the amazing actors out there, including Peter Dinklage who's ALREADY IN THE MOVIE.
- Gary Oldman is obviously on his knees or wearing fake dwarf legs.
- The music is overwhelming the scene and overwhelmingly FUCKING TERRIBLE.
- We are all educated about what it's like to be a little person.
- You see Kate or Matt just being terrible parents for any size baby.
- You see Kate whipping that baby around in a way that would surely give it brain damage if it was a real baby.
- Finish your beer when the movie is finally over and it ends with a…FADE OUT.
- Drink whenever you think this movie could not have possibly come out in 2003.
- Take an angry, confused swig whenever Matthew McConaughey shows angst about his heritage ("I’m a dwarf!!").
- Get down on both knees and take a swig whenever Gary Oldman is raging on his motorcycle.
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