- Someone takes a drink. Don Draper was nice enough to show us how to make an Old-Fashioned! But then we made a face at the 100-proof Old Overholt and chunks of sugar, and he just gave us this...look (see rule #8).
- Someone lights a cigarette. Please, please don’t do this. Just because you’re wearing a skinny tie and Brylcreem doesn’t mean you should smoke unfiltered Lucky Strikes.
- You see Knoll furniture. Let me tell you, if we worked on the set of Mad Men, shit would go missing ALL the time. And it would be very obvious from our well-furnished apartment who took it. And we would be immediately arrested.
- There is obvious sexism and/or racism. For example, [cough cough] Roger Sterling in an impromptu minstrel show. Yiiiiiiikes. Thank God for Season 5 and equal opportunity employment.
- You witness someone’s naked ambition. Why yes, of course this is a double entendre. WE ARE AD WIZARDS.
- There is a new ad pitch. Double drink if the idea goes down in flames -- or, alternatively, double drink if it’s a success! Hell, it’s 11 a.m., we ought to be drinking for something.
- Roger Sterling cracks a joke. They give him all the good lines. Conversely, they give Don Draper all the good looks.
- Don Draper stares at someone in disgust. You’ll know this look when you see it. Mouth half open in an amused grimace, brow furrowed, head pulled back slightly, and not WORD ONE.
- You see mid-century underwear (e.g., bras, boxers, pantyhose garters). Mid-century furniture and architecture? Beautiful and revolutionary. Mid-century undergarments? Cruel and possibly designed by a Christian from the Spanish Inquisition.
- Drink whenever you say to yourself “You know, Betty is a real pain in the ass, but I’d deal with that (FOR THE CHILDREN, OF COURSE).”
- Drink whenever you recognize an important historical event. Probably a certain demographic will even remember these firsthand. FINISH YOUR SCHLITZ, OLD TIMER.
- Drink whenever Joanie is way too good to have to put up with this bullshit.
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