A Movie Drinking Game for Hansel and Gretel
- A witch uses magic. Sometimes the magic is useful, like deflecting an arrow or tearing a man limb from limb. But mostly it's just putting trees in the way of someone chasing you.
- Someone rides a broom! OK, so they're not brooms, they're more like sticks. But that's just one of the many features that shows the makers of this documentary really did their homework.
- We learn something new about a witch! We learn many things in Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, but it's mainly that you should burn witches, that they don't like fire, that they burn easily, and that you should probably burn them.
- You see a cool new homemade artisanal weapon. If this movie were made in San Francisco, Hansel and Gretel would have opened up a shop in the Mission and sold these bad boys next to their refurbished typewriters and pork-pie hats. But instead they use them to kill dozens of women. To each his own...
- We meet a new witch! Not sure if someone is a witch? Just check to see if the suspect is female and/or burns easily. You may have to burn them for a while.
- There's troll bonding. What does troll bonding look like? You'll know your troll has bonded with you when he see Rule #7.
- A troll explodes a man's head into jelly! i.e., that person gets jellyheaded. We didn't know this was a thing, but apparently it's not an uncommon way to die in olden times.
- Take a shot for the insulin shot! Hansel needs it for his diabeetus. If only he'd known that eating that entire witch's house of candy was bad for him!
- DON'T take a shot for every shot deflected (that would probably kill you), but DO take a swig in admiration of the witches' hand-eye-wand coordination.
- Revel in the R-rated-ness of it and have a sip whenever they let out a fun "fuck." Feel free to say it right along with them too for added joy.
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