- There’s a close-up of a ghoulie’s disgusting, mismatched, pointy-yet-harmless-looking teeth. Much like Darwin’s finches, ghoulies have evolved specialized teeth over the years to suit their diet perfectly. Note how the teeth are pointy -- perfect for biting into human flesh -- yet tiny and with an underbite, perfect for scooping up table scraps. They are the perfect pet.
- Demonic symbols are visible. Here’s a tip for first-time homebuyers: check the house for signs the previous tenant was a devil-worshipper BEFORE you buy. For example, if the basement smells damp, the home owner was probably using an indoor thunderstorm to summon two-foot-tall carnivorous monsters from Hell.
- A ghoulie bites! As a ghoulie becomes adjusted to living on this plane known as “Earth,” expect an adjustment period. Your ghoulie may not immediately take to biting teenagers on the face. But be persistent and encourage them to come out of their shell. Soon, with a little positive reinforcement, they’ll be dressing up as clowns and launching at unsuspecting teens with confidence.
- Those kids just aren’t taking Satanism seriously. Ladies, not sure if your significant other is worshipping Satan? Here are some of the signs you may have missed:
- He’s withdrawn, moody
- He chants during sex
- He wears satanic robes and reads books about the occult
- Unprompted, he starts cleaning the house
- When he suggests a “threesome,” a ghoulie pops out from under the bed
- You keep hearing these very loud, distracting thunder-and-lightning noises coming from the basement, but when you go down to investigate, he claims he’s “working on that new laundry room" he promised you
- He says he wants to go back to grad school
- You see green eyes! Side effects of Satanism include dizziness, nausea, insect sexual attraction, and radioactive glowing green eyes. But on the plus side, you get to wear sunglasses indoors and no one says a thing about it.
- You see the PINK DRINK. Or, as we like to call it, paaank draaaank. Just what is this mysterious liquid? It’s poured from a wine bottle, yet it has the color and consistency of Kool-Aid. All we know is that it’s appropriate anytime, any meal, anywhere.
- Supernatural powers are displayed. Oh yeah, that’s another side effect of Satanism. EYE LAZERS.
- Ghoulies are just ghoulin’. Congrats on the purchase of your new ghoulie! Although these cuddly little spawns of Satan are listed as a “low-maintenance” pet, ghoulies do require some upkeep. For example, spend time with your ghoulie. A little light reading or face biting is always appreciated. Or, let them watch you have sex. And don’t forget to feed them! Human flesh is best, but cherry tomatoes can be a low-cost substitute.
- FINISH YOUR BEER if you have to “dismiss the spirit” at some point during the movie. (Note: call seat-check because ghoulies WILL take your good spot on the couch. They do not abide by our puny human laws.)
- If you can spot the puppeteer’s finger in a ghoulie’s mouth, everyone ELSE has to finish their beer.
- **BONUS BONUS GAME** At the beginning of the movie, everyone picks a ghoulie. Whenever “your” ghoulie pops up on screen, you take a drink! (Boone’s Farm Wild Cherry recommended) Our favorite ghoulie is Kenneth.
Find This Movie