- Someone says the word “ditto.” Is a man’s refusal to say “I love you” REALLY that romantic? Well, if that man is Patrick Swayze, then yes, yes it is. Anything that man does is beautiful.
- Omens spell trouble for Sam Wheat and his beautiful young son, I mean, girlfriend (see Rule #3).
- Demi dresses dudely. This look is also known as “mandrogenous” and existed solely between the years 1990 and 1994. (See: Martha Plimpton in Parenthood, Demi Moore in Disclosure, Demi Moore in Indecent Proposal, Diane Keaton in general)
- Sam or another ghost (shit, spoiler alert) passes through a solid object. I’ve often wondered, why doesn’t he just pass through the floor? And then through the Earth’s crust, magma, core, Earth’s crust again, floor again, then falling down into the terrifying abyss of space... Sorry, I ate a bunch of mescaline before I watched this movie and I am coming down HARD.
- Oda Mae repeats something Sam says. Double-drink if Whoopi puts her own flair on it! For example, at one point Sam says, “I love you,” and Oda Mae says, “He says ‘go fuck yourself.’” Oda Mae, why??
- You witness some paranormal activity, like Sam’s ghost punching someone or disturbing a friendly cat. Since he’s able to move things with his ghost energy, do you think he’d be able to have a bang-out sesh with Demi? My fan-fiction novel says: yes.
- FINISH YOUR BEER if you jumped during the title sequence. [SPOILER ALERT] GHOOOOSST!!!!!
- Take a swig if Whoopi Goldberg’s blindingly bright red nail polish is prominently displayed.
- FINISH YOUR BEER if you cried at the end. Take a shot of Pottery Bang (Yoohoo and chilled vodka, sipped from a lover's palm) if you try to hide the fact that you’re crying. Don’t be ashamed -- it’s a beautiful story!
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