A Movie Drinking Game for Game of Thrones
- Someone talks about the seasons. Look, when you’re in the mystical continents of Westeros and Essos and your seasons last for years or even decades at a time, what else is there to talk about? Well, besides dragons, murder, and incest. Okay, fine, it’s just like on Earth.
- There are incestuous accusations or acts. If you want to preserve your bloodline, just follow the
Game of Thrones Guide to Keeping Your Bloodline Clean [Show Season 1 Spoilers]:
- Cheat on your husband with your much better looking brother, or possibly your much younger cousin. Make sure to do this as publicly as possible and never in a bed. Abandoned towers are preferred, but a stable or open field will suffice.
- If anyone catches you, and they will because you are not secretive AT ALL about it, kill them or try to kill them. It is, of course, preferable for you to kill them, but if you don’t, don’t worry about it. You can lazily plot that person’s murder and when that murder is easily thwarted, simply forget about it and continue to live your life -- everything is bound to work out in your favor on its own.
- What?! It didn’t work out on its own?! That’s fine -- just make sure your asshole of a son is made King after your husband is killed and everything will be fine.
- Everything’s NOT fine?! FUCK IT! Kill the Hand of the King and start a war.
- Someone says “Your Grace.” When you’re the king of the continent of Westeros, it’s important that everyone addresses you by your proper name: “Grace.” That’s right, even if you’re a boy.
- You see some wolf acting! Okay, so they’re dogs and they’re super cute. And they hardly ever kill anyone. They’re the perfect family pet!
- Tyrion lays down a zinger.
- You can’t believe how cold-blooded that little bastard Joffrey is. The secret to raising a perfect son is no boundaries, infinite money, infinite power, and absolutely no morals. You’d want someone like that running your country, right? Vote Republican in 2012!
- Someone discusses, or enacts, a murder. When you’re vying for the throne, you have to plan. And when you’re planning, you have to TALK TO EVERYONE ABOUT IT.
- Drink whenever you see a pimp and eunuch bicker with each other. Petyr and Lord Varys, you could get so much accomplished if you would just work together, but alas, you are simply two sides of the same coin. A sexual coin.
- Drink whenever there’s talk of the dragons of old. If we don’t see some badass dragons raining hell down upon some battlefields, we are going to LOSE IT.
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